Costco flow hive8/30/2023 Even when they have put effort into practicing and developing their social skills, they’ve done so almost exclusively with an eye towards talking to women. One of the reasons why people often struggle is that they neglect working on the basics of social interaction. This is where the disconnect tends to happen. Now, notice very carefully that I said people, not women. Your looks matter far, far less than simply being able to talk to people. Your social skills are the foundation upon which all social success is built. The flash – sliding into the bar like Ryan Gosling – is appealing and eye-catching… but it only comes about when people have absolutely honed their social skills to a razor’s edge. The people who succeed the fastest are, paradoxically, the ones who are the least in the rush to get there. So it is with people who want to get better with dating. It’s a matter of drilling these very basic, very dull routines into you until you can do them reflexively. There’s a reason, for example, that people who study kendo or HEMA practice individual sword strikes over and over and over again. Getting to the point that you can make that series of kicks requires mastering the fundamentals until they’re not just muscle memory but part of you. What folks often don’t realize – or like – is that this level of flash is only possible because the people performing it have a very deep well of substance behind it. This also tends to breed a certain type of dojo… That, plus “kick all the ass” forms the base of what many are looking for when they get into martial arts. But, even when making allowances for “you will never be called to use this unless you’re needing to kick a paralyzed dwarf, a man and Grog the Barbarian in the face in rapid secession”, it’s got a lot of what folks think of when they think of “cool martial arts stuff” – the jumping, spinning kicks, breaking boards and so on. You will never be in a position in where this will be even remotely practical to use in a fight. It’s also abso-fucking-lutely useless in anything other than a demo designed to look cool. There is a lot of skill involved in this. It’s about as close as humans are going to get to doing Ryu’s Tatsumaki Senpukyaku in real life. As an athletic feat, it’s top notch, requiring a great deal of discipline, concentration, agility and practice. Flying kicks, board and brick breaks, people jumping and flipping like Sony Chiba on a meth bender… it’s cool as hell. Think of it this way: when you see trained martial artists in demonstrations and tournaments, your eyes are drawn to all the cool shit they do. Your ability to flirt, joke, tease or otherwise draw in women is predicated entirely on mastering the basics of social interaction, not the “cool” stuff. This is never more true than when it comes to your social skills. But flash is fundamentally useless without substance to back it up. This is, admittedly, entirely understandable. But one area where it crops up the most often is how people who struggle with dating have prioritized flash over substance. This actually ends up being the source of many, if not most mistakes – something we’ll come back to a few times. When people think of getting better at dating, they tend to focus on the “meeting women” part. If we’re talking about mistakes, then it’s a good idea to start with the basics… which is actually the problem. Let’s talk about how to fix some of the most common mistakes that are keeping you from meeting that special someone or someones. You can tweak your style and grooming all you want, hit the gym until your joints give out or chat up as many sexy singles as you can… but if you haven’t fixed these common foundational mistakes, whatever you build is going to come tumbling down around you. These are foundational problems, ones that undermine both your self-image and your ability to meet and connect with people. Instead, these are mistakes that have hindered your personal development or your ability to connect with people in the way you need to forge a connection. What often confuses folks is that these aren’t mistakes that drive women away. In fact, many times, the problem is that you’ve been making mistakes that have actively hindered your ability to meet and date amazing women. Well the answer is that while you’ve made great strides in some areas, you’ve been neglecting others. Sure, you’re putting in a lot of effort to get your presentation down and you’re trying to put yourself out there… so why isn’t it working? “I don’t get it, I’ve been on this for an hour and I haven’t gotten anywhere…” But there’re times when it feels like you’re in a classic Red Queen’s Race: running as fast as you can and getting nowhere. We talk a lot about what it takes to become someone that women want to date – working from the internal to the external, from attitude to presentation.
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